Rabu, 26 Juli 2017

What you want?

That is hard question.

I am ordinary person in absurd world.
I know what i don't like and what i don't enjoying but i don't know what i like and what i want.

I am ordinary person who live in the world with full of pressure. Feeding people expectations Buried the dream, forget the desire.

Wandering is over it stops in the middle of nowhere without any clue. Feeling empty in the crowded place. Follow the flow without knowing where it will end up.

Basically..  I just wasting the oxygen, burdening this world with my waste.

Is that really true we have to find the purpose of life?
May i know for what?
I'm not asking to be born. So why have to force to be meaningful.
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Anyway, i am scared to come to Europe. I am scared to have to do what i don't like and don't enjoying like in Chiang mai, that time I feel really useless and unhelpful.

In the other hand,  before Chiang mai i really didn't know how it look like until i find out it not work well.

Another story, when i force my self to work as PA before that i even didn't think to do this but then i tried and i like it.

Now Europe..

When you ask me what i will di if tomorrow i am landing in Europe?
What is my plan?
What is my preparation?

I answer open upwork and fiver..  The answer is i don't have to be in Europe for open that...

This is my biggest worry.. I worry i am not the person that people expect. I worry that i am failed.  I worry that my life will be like this forever..  I worry that i am useless in Europe. I feel not being me.  I feel absurd..  I don't know what i want.

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